Confidence, Resolutions, & New Changes

New year, new you. 

Yeah, this might sound cliché because you're still the same you, but different, changed. Let's make this year, and every year to come, the year where you inch your way to your dream life and dream you. What have you always wanted to be like? What have you always wanted? Do you imagine yourself with a thinner frame? New sense of fashion? New romance? More money?

I can't find the answers for you even if I wanted to, which, admittedly, I probably don't because, well, I have my own life and you have yours. If finding the answers involves paying someone--a therapist, a mountebank, someone--so be it, so long as you find the answers, something you may not know that you were looking for.

Find confidence by putting in effort into making progress and maintaining goals, confidence in your abilities (that's to say, what YOU KNOW you're capable of doing).

From A Cinderella Story | Source: Pinterest

Sometimes you just have to make a change or decision, whether required by, say, doctor's orders, or otherwise. Do what's best for you, but also keep in mind that you should do what you want. They may seem contrary, but I'm sure you can find a healthy balance somehow. I'm sure it also sounds easier said than done and I don't claim to know your circumstances but I know that something can be done in any situation that deserves more than passivity. So consider your options, consider what you can do and what you can't. Again, you'll find somewhere in between. 

Find your strength to make said changes and incorpate these changes each day and don't stop. You'll find that, after much practice, these tedious tasks and changes become much easier to handle and, in fact, much more perfunctory and habitual. 

And although I'm no baseball or softball buff, "never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game". Life is no game, but similar to the quote, don't let the negatives in your life, the forces that bring you down and prevent you from making changes, keep you from making these changes. 

Best wishes, Nurds.

Cordially,

Joss Lila Glenn


P.S. I haven't posted within the past few weeks because I started school again for winter quarter. I have a job, five classes, multiple extracurriculars, and I'm just trying to manage it all. All on top of the fact that I've been making changes here and there on the blog itself.

Stop Apologizing

Hey Nurds!

I know that by the looks of it, it may dawn upon you to think that I don't apologize and that if I do not do so, then I am cruel, arrogant, and spiteful, and willing to teach you not to be a modest human being.

NO! That is not my intention at all!

As women in the US culture (or in any culture, for that matter), we are trained to be polite and for some reason, apologize for who we are, apologize for others, and the most illogical to me, APOLOGIZE FOR SHIT WE DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR!

Have you found yourself saying sorry to someone who brushes into you when you're in your natural habitat? I'm kidding. But seriously, have you found yourself apologizing after someone brushes into you at school or work even though you did nothing wrong and the other person should have apologized instead? Yeah, me too. It is just not your fault, and you are the one to apologize? Let's change that!

There was a point in my sister's life when she would apologize multiple times in a row and then apologize for apologizing. That might be a little too severe, yes, and quite frankly, it happens, and it needs to stop!

That's why, as the year ends, I reflect on this subject. I made it my New Year's Resolution this year to stop apologizing unnecessarily and the results have been, well, satisfying. Apologizing is totally necessary and polite. 

Look, I get it. It shows that you have sentiment and sympathy, but if you're apologizing for others' indiscretions, then consider how easy of a target you're making yourself seem. Yeah, you seem like an easy target, unfortunately. People may see you as prey just for being too sensitive and then take advantage of you. It's happened to me and it's probably happened to you.

My message: if you find yourself apologizing unnecessarily, catch it, consciously think about omitting the "I'm sorry", and take note of it so that next time you don't. It's a nasty habit, and as we know, habits are learned and things that are learned can be unlearned. Like learning a new skill, there requires that effortful, conscious thinking necessary for implicit thinking (a.k.a. doing activities, like driving home from work, without thinking about it). For example, when I taught myself to brush my teeth with my left hand, I had to think about each brush stroke and where I was inserting that brush in my mouth. Soon thereafter, I would pick up the brush, apply cheap toothpaste, and insert the brush in my mouth with my left hand without thinking about it. I trained my brain to just do. Apologizing and conversely not apologizing (for unnecessary purposes, that is) can also be trained.

This Buzzfeed video pretty much sums up me and countless other women.

The lesson: STOP APOLOGIZING. To be a confident, assertive person in this world, it's okay to apologize for hurting someone's feelings or inconveniencing them in some way that would affect their motives, plans, or beliefs. Otherwise, don't apologize. Don't apologize for voicing your opinion in class, in a meeting, in public. Don't apologize for apologizing. If you know you're going to apologize for no apparent reason at all, consciously tell yourself not to and to say something else instead. 

I guarantee your message will still be understood without an apology interrupting what you have to say.

A Discussion on Sexual Assault in the Entertainment Industry

I spoke with Ana Ortiz and Mark Indelicato who both starred in Ugly Betty as well as Judy Reyes from Scrubs.

On the topic of the accusations against Harvey Weinstein and sexual assault, Reyes said, “I think we’re all literally haunted, constantly every day. It’s been a hard reality in our lives, all of our lives, particularly people of color.”

Ortiz added, “Especially women and anyone in the LGBTQ community.”

It is a reality that women are disproportionately victims of assault, but particularly women of color and those in the LGBTQ+ community, like transgender women who are often killed or brutally assaulted.

“I’m [. . .] happy that action is being taken, and that it’s been swift, and that so many people continue to speak out; [there’s] strength in numbers,” Reyes said.

Ortiz said, “I think it’s our turn to feel emboldened. I think the predators have felt emboldened for so long, and they have [gotten away with it]. And now I think we’re seeing that they can’t if we recognize our own voice and our own power. And I think that these people who are coming forward and tonight is a testament to it that we’re not going to be quiet, we’re not going to be silent.”

From left: Judy Reyes, Mark Indelicato, me, and Ana Ortiz

America Ferrera, star of the eponymous show Ugly Betty, recently took to Instagram to reveal that she was assaulted at the young age of nine. Her former cast mates told me that they are “of course” supporting her.

“She’s so eloquent, so well-spoken; she’s such a good spokesperson for whatever it is that she puts out there. She’s just one of those people that you want to watch and stand next to, and hold her hand,” Ortiz said.

They said that we need people like Ferrera be the foundation of acceptance and support for our future children and the next generation. Reyes and Ortiz, whose children are friends, admit that they try to instill these values in their children, especially when it comes to accepting our transgender peers.

Recently, on Good Morning America, Blake Lively (Ferrera’s BFF and fellow Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants alumna) said that we can’t just tweet about sexual assault; we need to be actively supportive of victims. “But it’s more than just like we’re talking about it and we’re supporting it; it’s action. Everybody says that they stand in solidarity, but you have to show that you stand in solidarity.”

Indelicato said besides tweeting, “being an ally is as important as coming forward, and those that are coming forward have nothing to gain and nothing to lose, and they have to know that they have a community around them that is standing in solidarity with them. I think that that is what emboldens survivors or victims to come forward." He added, “I think that having a strong community to stand in solidarity [with], that’s really the kind of crux of all of these social movements that we’re seeing today, the idea of standing in solidarity with one another [and] strength in numbers.”

Good Morning, Loves!

Here's to unusual Spring, lovely spring (and beginning May), and all that there is for hope!

 Soon check out my summer plans in mid-May, as I'm still studying for my 4 AP exams for two weeks more. Wish me luck! I am not hoping for luck (though I would totally steal some if you had it =P) cuz as I learned the hard way, it doesn't exist (curse AP Psych for ruining my childhood, but besides that, Psych is the best class I have ever had so far, because it has answered many years of question!) 

I am just hoping that all of the social seclusion and incessant studying (well, not incessant; let's be realistic here!) have paid off, because I don't wanna retake an exam only to pay extra money and restudy the material on top of the six exams that I'm taking next year!I've been practically studying from winter vacation with a bit of a hiatus (kinda like I've had with blogging, hahaha on my part).

My exams consist of: AP Psychology, my possible major (May 4th); AP European History, pointless class to me, consisting of an ass-oholic and sexist teacher whom I've rarely listened (fathered argued with) and benefited through self study (May 8th); AP World History, well, a class I'm not enrolled in, but self-studying included most elements of European History, so I thought, "what the hell" (May 14th); and AP Human Geography, a class taught last year by my current AP Psych teacher and connected all history to society, politics, intellect, and culture, economics (SPICE); I took the exam last year by got the lowest score possible due to insufficient studying (even though I had all the resources possible!), fostered by overconfidence (since I had an A in the class) (May 15th).

If I'm not dead by the 15th of May, I'll mention those summer plans that I mentioned earlier. Again, a lot to hope for in life, positive and negative, as both pave roads to success and general generativity.

To commemorate lovely April (which by the way, consisted of three consecutive days filled with a birthday of my sister , a proposal--not to me--but to my eldest sister, and a 30-year wedding anniversary of my parents), here are three lovely songs!