Hey Nurds,
Check out this new feature of my book and movie reviews!
5: A Newfound Favorite
Enough said, this is pretty self-explanatory. It may suck as a movie or book, but somehow it's so inspiring, relatable, or page-turning that I can't take my eyes off the screen or pages. It's cheesy in all the right way or it aligns with all my values and hits straight to home with how I feel on a personal level or what I've gone through. Besides this, I put a lot of emphasis on the plot, characterization, and theme of the work and how true to each the work goes without losing meaning. In terms of plot, I look for fluid transitions, deep conflict (that's resolved or not) that weaves into the complexity of the characters and may not seek an easy solution. This may include strong internal struggles or a strong battle with society. Additionally, I seek some stark complexity in the plot, such as flashbacks, dream sequences, or even a huge plot twist that fucks everything over! In terms of characterization, I look for diversity and multifaceted personalities that are complex and not as represented and certainly not cliché as well s someone, even supporting characters, who transitions in some life-defining way. I like to see a theme or motif that is evenly dispersed throughout the entire work and isn't left to hang over a ledge, something that is introduced in the beginning and is acknowledged and contemplated in the end.
4.5: DAMN DIGGITY
This shares a score with a 5, but for some reason, I find a discrepancy outside of the cheesiness I love and adore. This most certainly and often includes an inaccurate or misrepresentative way of depicting women, people of other backgrounds and cultures (e.g. people of different ages, disorders, disabilities, body types, races, religious affiliations, etc), and the LGBTQ+ community that doesn't detract from the central purpose of the movie or book, yet was still noticeable to piss me off.
4: Pretty Damn Good
This is like a 4.5, but I was too lazy to give it an extra half-point. In all seriousness, something major was missing or an idea wasn't as complete as I would have hoped. This doesn't necessarily mean that there was a cliffhanger, but that something important to the plot wasn't as developed as it should have been. That aside, hands down, the plot and characterization and transitions and mystery part of it were all intriguing. Oh, and the language was straightforward, witty, and serious at most of the right moments.
3.5: Above Satisfactory
The only reason this isn't a 3 is because somehow, something stood out to me, despite it being a totally overplay idea. The only reason this isn't a 4 is because somehow, almost inexplicably, said thing that stood out to me was not well integrated or explained or thoughtfully weaved into the storyline. This is purely a 3.5 because sometihing different stood out, whether this was a cliche with characters of a different backgrounds or some plot twist I would have never predicted amidst the predictable.
3: The Total Cliché
I HATE CLICHÉS!! The book or movie might be cheesy, yeah, and function as a whole with okay plot, but at the core, stereotypes are being tossed around and perpetuated and I hate to think that this is just another movie or novel that could have easily been seen or read during ANY GIVEN YEAR. In terms of books and movies, you know what the general direction of the movie or book is, but you often . . .
2.5 and below (a.k.a. the "YOU'RE KILLING ME, SMALLS" effect)
In a general sense, this includes a HUGE and I mean blatantly noticeable plot hole--that'll piss a person off, lack of thought or craft, and lots of editing errors. In terms of the latter, if I have to think a lot while watching a movie or making a lot of unnecessary annotations while reading (even if I'm not supposed to be annotating in the first goddam place) then there's something wrong here. This implies total clichés and lack of development in plot, characterization, and craft. Somehow the editing is bad (e.g. bad transitions), or the acting or dialogue is so poor that it's cringeworthy to move past the aweful exchanges of words, or for whatever reason, there are sound effects. In terms of books, this means that the writer was trying to sound sophisticated but you . . . You often have to think more than you should, and not in a philosophical or existential sense, but in a sense that you are so confused as to where everything is going (or rather, where it went, and didn't go, for that matter) that you actually feel intense discomfort and pain. No exaggeration here.
2: IDGAF Anymore
1.75: BLAAAAAAH
A lot must be said if I have to add an extra option here. Rarely will I ever give anything below a 2.5, because I root for the underdogs and would never be an acutal critic because I favor the cheesy things in life (who says tooooo much cheese is bad, amiright? *guilty laugh as I sit next to my doctor*), but nonetheless, there is an extra point value--you know, just in case.
1.5: Speechless and NOT In a Good Way
You see that bitten part of the apple of my heart? Yeah, that's me trying to eat my way out of misery.
1: The Pity Point
Not much could be said about this other than "Wow, you gotta be that bad if you seemed to have undermet my attempts at giving you a chance. Seriously, you could have been a 1.5 or hell, a 1.75, but no, you're just so damn egregious and disturbing that not only will you cause me psychological scarring in a Freudian sense, but you will also scar my future, unborn children innately so much so that . . . . And I am just too damn kind (I exaggerate; this is the equivalent of saying, 'as a Christian woman') to even give you a zero. WOOOOOOOW!" The only reason this guy is still an option is because, I clung long enough to watch or read because I still wanted to give the damn thing a chance; that explains why there's not even a heart there in the first goddam place!
*If you disagree with my scoring guidelines or find something you don´t quite agree with, let me know! I'll consider your adjustments and look forward to some feedback!!*
With all my love,
LiLy Glenn
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