Nothing is scarier than worrying about how someone you love (family member or friend) will react to you coming out. Saying it to yourself and to them can feel like two completely different experiences! While we cannot always control how the people around us will react to our truth, here are a few tips that will hopefully help you:
1. Find a community that will be objective and ask for sympathy
Whether it’s one person or a group of people, having someone you know you can rely on is critical to keeping healthy and happy throughout your coming out process. Pick these people wisely--they will be your shoulder to cry on when others are less than supportive. They need to have your back and actually listen to and validate all you have to say.
2. Express your feelings
Sometimes it's easier to write (or sing, or act) your feelings rather than say them. Whatever your art, use it as a vehicle to express your truest emotions. Not only will it be cathartic for you, but it also might just help someone else along the way.
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 Photo courtesy of Fextralife |
3. Find a safe haven
3. Find a safe haven
This could be anywhere, but it should feel like a safe space for you to cry (as there will be tears), write, or even just think to yourself. You’re going through a lot. Give yourself a break from the second life you may feel like you have been living. It's exhausting to not be entirely, wholeheartedly yourself. Trust me, it's exhausting to not be yourself wholeheartedly--lying or not responding to certain things your peers and family may be discussing (e.g. their crushes, significant others, etc.) Take time to be alone and recollect those thoughts we both know are swarming through your brain.
4. Talk to someone
Members of the LGBTQ+ community have a disproportionately higher rate of suicide than members of other groups. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, LGBTQ+ youth are three times more likely to contemplate suicide and five times more likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual people.
If you are at a point in your life when you feel like you might harm yourself or others, consult The Trevor Project or call a 24 hour suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Do not wait. Take care of yourself now.
5. Watch coming out videos
Listening to the stories of others can provide a lot of hope and inspiration as you begin your coming out journey. There are so many videos like this on Youtube and Facebook. Take courage from those who have gone before you and learn from their experiences.
6. Find an alternative place to stay in case things don't turn out so great
Sometimes, things just don’t work out. People who seem accepting may be concealing their prejudices. Have someone you trust to lean on. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And find that sweet escape in case things turn for the worst.
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Photo courtesy of Giphy
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LGBTQ+ people are more likely than not to overcome social oppression and discrimination. Poor living conditions and lack of acceptance don't fall too short from the list of oppressive and discriminatory acts towards such members of this community, even among friends and family.
7. You don’t have to know what you are yet
LGBTQ+ people are more likely than not to overcome social oppression and discrimination. Poor living conditions and lack of acceptance don't fall too short from the list of oppressive and discriminatory acts towards such members of this community, even among friends and family.
Chances are, you don’t know what you identify as. The LGBTQ+ community is a dynamic group and it can be pretty overwhelming to find your place in it, especially with so many letters indicated by the + in LGBTQ+. Take your time! Explore and figure out your interests in your own way.
8. Wait until you are ready
No one should pressure you to come out. Only do it on your own terms.9. Talk to a queer individual in your community
It might feel uncomfortable to confide in a complete stranger, but their life and story might be able to give you some comfort. Ask for advice, share your experiences. You may find a community of people, or even just a peer, who has gone through what you have more or less and can not only offer their guiding hand and companionship but also advice and patience. They probably had to come out as well--multiple times--so they can be your confidant and shoulder to cry on if you don't have that support.
10. Don’t expect to find love right away
It’s hard enough figuring yourself out. Immediately throwing yourself into a new relationship may not be the best bet, especially if you're still struggling to come out. Relationships can help you learn more about your identity and sexuality, but they can also be overwhelming. Communication is key: talk about your concerns when you start seeing someone new. If they're worth it, they will listen.
11. Realize that you're going to come out and even hide your identities A LOT after the first time!
There's your friends, family, extended family, classmates, co-workers, the extended connections of everyone I just mentioned. DON'T PANIC! I'm not saying this to scare you and you don't have to come out, but I promise that it gets easier over time. You casually through in your pronouns or significant other into a conversation instead of panic, but I'm not saying that it immediately gets easier after you come out the first time. It takes time, perhaps years. I still find myself hiding.
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