Stop Apologizing

Hey Nurds!

I know that by the looks of it, it may dawn upon you to think that I don't apologize and that if I do not do so, then I am cruel, arrogant, and spiteful, and willing to teach you not to be a modest human being.

NO! That is not my intention at all!

As women in the US culture (or in any culture, for that matter), we are trained to be polite and for some reason, apologize for who we are, apologize for others, and the most illogical to me, APOLOGIZE FOR SHIT WE DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR!

Have you found yourself saying sorry to someone who brushes into you when you're in your natural habitat? I'm kidding. But seriously, have you found yourself apologizing after someone brushes into you at school or work even though you did nothing wrong and the other person should have apologized instead? Yeah, me too. It is just not your fault, and you are the one to apologize? Let's change that!

There was a point in my sister's life when she would apologize multiple times in a row and then apologize for apologizing. That might be a little too severe, yes, and quite frankly, it happens, and it needs to stop!

That's why, as the year ends, I reflect on this subject. I made it my New Year's Resolution this year to stop apologizing unnecessarily and the results have been, well, satisfying. Apologizing is totally necessary and polite. 

Look, I get it. It shows that you have sentiment and sympathy, but if you're apologizing for others' indiscretions, then consider how easy of a target you're making yourself seem. Yeah, you seem like an easy target, unfortunately. People may see you as prey just for being too sensitive and then take advantage of you. It's happened to me and it's probably happened to you.

My message: if you find yourself apologizing unnecessarily, catch it, consciously think about omitting the "I'm sorry", and take note of it so that next time you don't. It's a nasty habit, and as we know, habits are learned and things that are learned can be unlearned. Like learning a new skill, there requires that effortful, conscious thinking necessary for implicit thinking (a.k.a. doing activities, like driving home from work, without thinking about it). For example, when I taught myself to brush my teeth with my left hand, I had to think about each brush stroke and where I was inserting that brush in my mouth. Soon thereafter, I would pick up the brush, apply cheap toothpaste, and insert the brush in my mouth with my left hand without thinking about it. I trained my brain to just do. Apologizing and conversely not apologizing (for unnecessary purposes, that is) can also be trained.

This Buzzfeed video pretty much sums up me and countless other women.

The lesson: STOP APOLOGIZING. To be a confident, assertive person in this world, it's okay to apologize for hurting someone's feelings or inconveniencing them in some way that would affect their motives, plans, or beliefs. Otherwise, don't apologize. Don't apologize for voicing your opinion in class, in a meeting, in public. Don't apologize for apologizing. If you know you're going to apologize for no apparent reason at all, consciously tell yourself not to and to say something else instead. 

I guarantee your message will still be understood without an apology interrupting what you have to say.