Confidence, Resolutions, & New Changes

New year, new you. 

Yeah, this might sound cliché because you're still the same you, but different, changed. Let's make this year, and every year to come, the year where you inch your way to your dream life and dream you. What have you always wanted to be like? What have you always wanted? Do you imagine yourself with a thinner frame? New sense of fashion? New romance? More money?

I can't find the answers for you even if I wanted to, which, admittedly, I probably don't because, well, I have my own life and you have yours. If finding the answers involves paying someone--a therapist, a mountebank, someone--so be it, so long as you find the answers, something you may not know that you were looking for.

Find confidence by putting in effort into making progress and maintaining goals, confidence in your abilities (that's to say, what YOU KNOW you're capable of doing).

From A Cinderella Story | Source: Pinterest

Sometimes you just have to make a change or decision, whether required by, say, doctor's orders, or otherwise. Do what's best for you, but also keep in mind that you should do what you want. They may seem contrary, but I'm sure you can find a healthy balance somehow. I'm sure it also sounds easier said than done and I don't claim to know your circumstances but I know that something can be done in any situation that deserves more than passivity. So consider your options, consider what you can do and what you can't. Again, you'll find somewhere in between. 

Find your strength to make said changes and incorpate these changes each day and don't stop. You'll find that, after much practice, these tedious tasks and changes become much easier to handle and, in fact, much more perfunctory and habitual. 

And although I'm no baseball or softball buff, "never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game". Life is no game, but similar to the quote, don't let the negatives in your life, the forces that bring you down and prevent you from making changes, keep you from making these changes. 

Best wishes, Nurds.

Cordially,

Joss Lila Glenn


P.S. I haven't posted within the past few weeks because I started school again for winter quarter. I have a job, five classes, multiple extracurriculars, and I'm just trying to manage it all. All on top of the fact that I've been making changes here and there on the blog itself.

Stop Apologizing

Hey Nurds!

I know that by the looks of it, it may dawn upon you to think that I don't apologize and that if I do not do so, then I am cruel, arrogant, and spiteful, and willing to teach you not to be a modest human being.

NO! That is not my intention at all!

As women in the US culture (or in any culture, for that matter), we are trained to be polite and for some reason, apologize for who we are, apologize for others, and the most illogical to me, APOLOGIZE FOR SHIT WE DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR!

Have you found yourself saying sorry to someone who brushes into you when you're in your natural habitat? I'm kidding. But seriously, have you found yourself apologizing after someone brushes into you at school or work even though you did nothing wrong and the other person should have apologized instead? Yeah, me too. It is just not your fault, and you are the one to apologize? Let's change that!

There was a point in my sister's life when she would apologize multiple times in a row and then apologize for apologizing. That might be a little too severe, yes, and quite frankly, it happens, and it needs to stop!

That's why, as the year ends, I reflect on this subject. I made it my New Year's Resolution this year to stop apologizing unnecessarily and the results have been, well, satisfying. Apologizing is totally necessary and polite. 

Look, I get it. It shows that you have sentiment and sympathy, but if you're apologizing for others' indiscretions, then consider how easy of a target you're making yourself seem. Yeah, you seem like an easy target, unfortunately. People may see you as prey just for being too sensitive and then take advantage of you. It's happened to me and it's probably happened to you.

My message: if you find yourself apologizing unnecessarily, catch it, consciously think about omitting the "I'm sorry", and take note of it so that next time you don't. It's a nasty habit, and as we know, habits are learned and things that are learned can be unlearned. Like learning a new skill, there requires that effortful, conscious thinking necessary for implicit thinking (a.k.a. doing activities, like driving home from work, without thinking about it). For example, when I taught myself to brush my teeth with my left hand, I had to think about each brush stroke and where I was inserting that brush in my mouth. Soon thereafter, I would pick up the brush, apply cheap toothpaste, and insert the brush in my mouth with my left hand without thinking about it. I trained my brain to just do. Apologizing and conversely not apologizing (for unnecessary purposes, that is) can also be trained.

This Buzzfeed video pretty much sums up me and countless other women.

The lesson: STOP APOLOGIZING. To be a confident, assertive person in this world, it's okay to apologize for hurting someone's feelings or inconveniencing them in some way that would affect their motives, plans, or beliefs. Otherwise, don't apologize. Don't apologize for voicing your opinion in class, in a meeting, in public. Don't apologize for apologizing. If you know you're going to apologize for no apparent reason at all, consciously tell yourself not to and to say something else instead. 

I guarantee your message will still be understood without an apology interrupting what you have to say.

7 Excuses We Should Stop Making

Amidst finishing up my novel for NaNoWriMo (that I essentially didn't finish--more on that later), undoubtedly, I wanted to curl up in a ball on my bed and just watch Youtube videos and productivity shoots way down and subsequent long-term disappointment escalates.

1. I'm not good enough

I learned this relatively recently, and it's so true; it's something I have to remind myself not to think and say to myself because personally, I groan at the thought of doing something I feel I don't have potential for--whether that's a relationship, a hobby, or even a job.

When school and/or work gets in the way, it's kinda hard to get in your creative mindset, that when a time arrives to do something fun, you prefer to sleep and catch up on Netflix shows instead. What's productivity when you have a console or software that has all of your favorites in a selective mode?

You're setting yourself back and ignoring all the possibilities that could be with this attitude. You honestly don't know if you're good enough until you put yourself out there and stop comparing yourself to the other people who may or may not have made you believe that you're not good enough.

2. This bed is so comfortable 

I don't know about you, but as soon as I rest on a very comfortable bed or couch or . . . floor (if I'm very desperate and tired), I tell myself that maybe a quick nap would do me best. And next thing I know it's time for my class--on the next day. And I panic because I did shit for homework, I didn't wash up, and now deja vu sets in. 

My suggestion: If you're going to take a nap, or if you're already in bed, IMMEDIATELY set a timer for 10-25 minutes. I know. 10 minutes sounds like so little time. But, in essence, unless you want to fall into deep sleep after 30 minutes and have your body paralyzed, only for you to wake up in a state of a panic because you accomplished nothing, I suggest 25 minutes max. Once you're in deep sleep, there's no going back (well, yes, you can, because that's the cycle in "sleep cycle", but you know what I mean--hopefully). 

So set a timer and get up accordingly; the latter will take quite a bit of will-power, but it is manageable if you're willing to put in the effort.

Even a 25-minute nap can boost productivity; it's enough. After all, a nap is better than no nap. 

As soon as you're up, wash your face and get to work.

3. Five more minutes

Chances are, you wish you had more time. I personally experience this weird juxtaposition of loathing how long the day feels, yet I wish I had more time to get shit done. 

Chances are, you just don't want to start the day . . . yet.

That's fine. 

Setting up an alarm an hour earlier than you usually wake up changes your routine a little bit and offers you an extra hour to get your shit together. Additionally, refusing to hit that snooze button requires a lot of will-power to get done, but it is manageable. If you could avoid the snooze button altogether, your alarm wouldn't be so annoying, now, wouldn't it?

4. It's too late

Have you heard the expression "better late than never"? Yeah, well, I believe it's true. It's like saying "better to try than to not try".

Would you rather think what if's? Perhaps this is a bad justification.

You'll be surprised how flexible and accommodating deadlines could be, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes, supervisors or bosses or professors, if you're on their good side, can do you a favor past a deadline.

In terms of things outside of school and work, it's never too late if you don't do something about it when you get the chance. The entire movie and book of Something Borrowed could have been hashed out in several minutes if Rachel had just told Dex how she felt in law school instead of six or so years later, when he had been engaged to her best friend. You seriously have to have read the book or seen the movie to understand this, but it looks something like the gif below of Rachel McAdams in The Notebook. There too is a rain scene in which Rachel, in a panic, says that she shouldn't have left the bar that single-handedly started the broken relationship between Darcy and Dex. He responds that it's too late. Well, no it's not too late, Dex because you could call off the wedding with Darcy and deal with the consequences because you're too scared. Plus, you don't have to marry the person you're engaged to, even when you're at the altar. 

Rachel thought that she wasn't good enough in law school for Dex to even notice or even be attracted to her. See where these excuses took her? Apparently, they took her to an affair and, well, I'm not spoiling much because they affair happened within the first twenty minutes of the movie. 

I think you could tell that I'm a bit bitter about Something Borrowed. And you're right; I am. That's why it's one of my favorite movies.

5. I'll do it later

Will you? Will you really? Yeah, you ain't gonna do it later.

6. I can't.

I don't claim to know your circumstances. Many times we feel inhibited by our age, gender, race, ethnicity, disability, sexual orientation, whatever the case may be. 

I simply can't deal with myself saying this; I've said this so many times, particularly when I was younger. There are still so many times that I say this now. . . as an adult because I have drilled it into my head that I have insurmountable limits. For example, I don't drive, so it gets pretty fucking shameful when I have to ask my siblings or dad to drive me places because I don't want to seem like a burden to them. That said, there are times when they won't take me anywhere because they're pissed at me or because of their schedules. I could take an uber and risk spending money I don't have or I could learn to drive, neither of which I really want to do. Other times (a majority of the time), I don't have access to Wi-fi. If that speaks to you as well, well, welcome to the club, honey.

It's hard not to say "I can't". I understand. But think of the many people who have pushed boundaries and achieved what many people thought they could not do: It's perseverance; it's discipline and tenacity. It's any movement that has existed in this world. Not procrastination, giving up, or not even starting.

7. I don't want to

This is, I believe the simplest excuse someone could make, and it probably encompasses all of the other excuses one makes because if you really cared about something, you'd prioritize it instead of doing it later or saying that it's too late. "I don't want to" essentially says everything from "I don't want to now" to "I don't want to ever." There's a spectrum. 

Getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing. As for sex, though, I don't want to means what it means and everything should stop right there; there's a fine line between "Let's do this" and "I don't want to". 

When it came to writing my novel, it never seemed like a good time to buckle down and type at it, because life and school got in the way, even though I did actually have enough time to finish it. I just apparently didn't want to do it at those moments. 

Did you agree with any of these excuses? What other excuses do you make and what do you advise we do to resolve them?